A Sincere Kiss?

It was a very moving and beautiful moment.  Two brothers who had been estranged for a long time meet after 35 years.  There was great tension and fear in anticipation of this meeting.  Yaakov had hoped that Esav had forgiven him for “stealing” the blessings, which were actually rightfully Yaakov’s, and had sent him messengers of peace.  He was warned that Esav was coming toward him with 400 warriors to fight.

Yaakov prepared himself in many ways, dividing the camp, praying and sending lavish gifts to appease Esav.  As the Torah says, Yaakiv was afraid and distressed - afraid that he might be killed and distressed that he might be forced to kill.  Because even though it would be in self-defense and he should be fully justified, Jewish nature is such that we are distressed when we have to kill our enemies.

This all followed on the heels of Yaakov’s fight with Esav’s guardian angel, from which he emerged with a wound in his sciatic nerve.  We can imagine the tension when the two finally meet.  In a tender departure from his hatred and animosity, Esav “Fell on his brother Yaakov’s neck and kissed him.” (Bereshit 33:4)

There is an interesting phenomenon in the Torah on this verse.  The Torah scroll contains no punctuation or vowels, only letters.  That is why it is a great skill to be able to read the Torah, because the reader has to memorize the notes and where the verses end.  Nevertheless, there are a few words that have dots on top of the letters.  The dots signify that there is more to the word than its simple meaning.  (Although there are many layers of meaning to every word of the Torah, the dots tell us that the even simple meaning is more complicated.)

In the above-mentioned verse, the word for “he kissed him” is Vayishakehu, and each of the letters has a dot on top of it.  This kiss was not a simple kiss between two long lost brothers.  Rashi quotes two interpretations.  One is that the kiss was not sincere.  Esav’s hatred for Yaakov was firmly in place, but Hashem orchestrated things so that he was forced to kiss Yaakov and could not harm him.

Another interpretation, given by Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, is that Esav actually did kiss him wholeheartedly.  The reason for the dots in this narrative is that this was a major deviation from Esav’s nature.  “It is known that Esau hates Jacob, but at that moment his compassion was aroused and he kissed him wholeheartedly.  It was a fleeting moment.  Yaakov had set the stage, through his gifts, his overcoming the angel and his prayers, and Esav was overcome at that moment with a fleeting feeling of love for his brother.

This statement of Rabbi Shimon has stayed with us through the ages.  When we try to make sense of the anti-Semitism we have experienced time and time again, it is helpful to remember that this is something that “is known” - it is a given that there are those who hate us just because they are Esav and we are Yaakov.  This knowledge helps us respond, not by giving up our identities and trying to assimilate.  That won’t remove the natural animosity.  We stand proudly for who are, Yaakov and his strongly identified Jewish wives and children.

We give gifts where necessary.  Yaakov referred to himself in his message to Esav as “your servant” and downplayed his wealth.  No need to antagonize the enemy, and he chose to appease without compromising his values.  His adherence to Torah, his prayer and his strength, and his willingness to stand up and fight if necessary, all led to a successful encounter where Esav set aside his animosity and kissed him.

We can engage Esav if we remember who we are, stand up for our values and stay connected to Hashem.  The natural animosity of Esav will end when Moshiach comes, and we are now at the threshold of that moment.  Bringing that moment closer, by increasing goodness and kindness in the world. This is the best way to bring about the love of our soon to be former adversaries.  Meanwhile, there are many descendants of Esav who show respect and even love for the Jewish people, perhaps this is because the era of true peace is imminent.