True Caring - Vayeira 5785

 Empathy.  It is a powerful emotion that can change another person’s life.  Empathy means to really “get” the other person. To understand and feel what they are going through and their needs.  Empathy begins with noticing the other and their state of mind.

Modern psychology places a tremendous emphasis on empathy.  There are many books and podcasts and lectures dealing with this subject, and the Torah taught us this over 3,300 years ago.  In the Parsha this week we find a demonstration of empathy by no less than the first father of the Jewish people, Avraham.

The Parsha opens with Hashem appearing to Avraham.  As our Sages explain the story, Avraham was in pain after having circumcised himself three days earlier at age 99.  Hashem, Who observes His own Mitzvot, came to visit the sick.  Then Avraham looks up and sees three men.  “He saw and behold three men were standing before him, and he saw and he ran towards them from the entrance of the tent...(Bereshit 18:2)”  Avraham then proceeded to plead with them to enter his tent.  

Note the repetition of the words “he saw.”  All repetition in the Torah is there to teach us a lesson in life.  The first time it means that he saw the men and noticed them.  The second “he saw” means that he understood what was going on in their minds.  

Avraham was an extremely kind and giving man, and he exemplified the Mitzvah of Hachnassat Orchim - welcoming guests.  His tent had openings on all four sides so that any traveler would find a welcoming atmosphere.  On this painful third day after the Bris, Hashem wanted to spare Avraham the trouble of tending to the guest’s needs, which he always did with great energy.  It was exceedingly hot, too hot for people to travel.

Avraham was distressed that there were no guests and pined for the Mitzvah despite his pain.  So Hashem sent angels that he thought were men to visit him.  When the angels came close to his tent and saw that he was bandaged and suffering, they hesitated to approach.  And this is what Avraham “saw.”  He recognized their hesitation and disregarding his own discomfort he ran out to encourage them to come in.  He discerned what they were thinking, and wanting to be sure that they were taken care of, he set aside his own needs and ensured them that they had no reason to hesitate.

This is a high level of empathy, expressed in the Torah by the repetition of the words “he saw.”  But there is more.  One could argue that the first “he saw” teaches us an even greater lesson in empathy and kindness.  Remember that Hashem had come to visit Avraham, as it says in verse 1:  “Hashem appeared to Avraham.”  Now I think it’s safe to say that if you or I had a Divine revelation, we would be completely oblivious to our surroundings.  How much more so a person of the stature of Avraham who worshiped Hashem from his childhood and must have appreciated spirituality on the highest imaginable level.

Yet, at that intense moment of spiritual ecstasy, when Hashem’s presence was revealed to him, he saw the travelers!  In fact, our Sages learned from this episode that “Welcoming guests is greater than receiving the Face of the Shechina (Hashem’s Presence).”

To achieve true empathy we need to be able to step back from our current feelings and our personal needs and problems and truly see another person.  This is possible when we connect with our Divine soul which is a part of Hashem. Our ego and our materialistic drives are focused on our own needs and wants, and certainly when we are experiencing stress we are less prone to notice others.  But because our soul, our Divine spark, craves to reach above and connect with Hashem, its focus is on doing good and spreading light, regardless of whatever might be going on with us personally right now. 

This is what the great Hillel meant when he said to the potential convert who asked him to teach him the entire Torah while he stood on one foot: “What is hateful to you do not do to your fellow, this is the entire Torah and the rest is its explanation, go study it.”  Because studying and observing the Torah reveals our G-dly soul, and only then can we have true empathy for another in all circumstances. 

(This is one of the subjects I am discussing in the current JLI course “Nurturing Relationships,” which it is not too late to join.  chabadpaloalto.com/JLI.)