Should I go to Disneyland?

 Teshuva – sounds frightening.  Do you think of teshuva as beating your chest and announcing how horrible you have been?  Is it shame and guilt and feeling like a bad person? Is it changing your life to become righteous?   What is teshuva anyway?  

Usually translated as repentance, that is not exactly what teshuva means. Merriam-Webster translates “repent” as follows:  To feel regret or contrition; to change one's mind; to feel sorrow, regret, or contrition for, all implying regret for the past and trying to change, etc.

But the translation of Teshuva is “return.”  This implies returning to your true self..  According to the actual definition of Teshuva, all the other things we have done that are not compatible with our Jewish mission represent a deviation from our self.  I recently read a study that says that what we think we want is not necessarily what we really want.  The author of the study developed tools to teach us how to find out what it is we really, truly want.

(Speaking of things we really want, have you ordered your lulav and etrog yet? www.chabadpaloalto.com/mylulav)

As Chassidus explains, the Torah gives a clear path for a person to identify what it is we really, essentially want.  This is related to the concept of free choice.  If I choose something because of a motive, whether it be an ulterior motive, and altruistic motive or even a desire I currently have, that is not a truly free choice.  It is a choice that is born out of circumstances, whether external or internal.  

The only real choice is one that comes from the core of my being without any bias at all. Deep down in my heart, in the inner core of my being, I have a purpose and a mission in life.

The happiest life is not spent pursuing happiness.  The US Constitution guarantees that right, and many exercise that right all their lives, pursuing and pursuing, because they never attain it.  When a person can look back at the end of their life and see that they have fulfilled their purpose and made a real difference in the world, that is a happy life.  

But life has many distractions.  Sometimes we forget who we are and why we are alive, and sometimes we don’t take the time in the first place to figure it out.  We go to Disneyland to seek fun, or to whatever the modern culture currently believes brings happiness.  Time goes by, and one day we wake up and say:  What am I doing to make a difference?  Am I living a meaningful life that is leading to true fulfillment?

That awakening is Teshuva.  Identifying who I am in my essence, and resolving to make choices based on that recognition.   Of course this awakening brings a feeling of regret, and a sense that we need to change our ways and focus on meaningful things, but we must beware not to let ourselves fall into the cycle of regret, guilt, shame and self-loathing.  Any regret we feel should be fleeting, immediately followed by a plan of action to learn from our mistakes and use them as a springboard for future greatness.

Our sages taught us to accept wholeheartedly and with deep faith that the moment we do Teshuva, Hashem forgives the iniquity and gives us a clean slate.  The negative past is erased, and in fact becomes a positive force, if it motivates us to grow on our new path. 

Yes, on Yom Kippur we beat our chest for past sins, but we do that to remind us that it is our evil inclination, embedded in our heart, that has diverted us from our true selves.  And that recognition itself helps us search for, and connect with, our inner core.

Yom Kippur is a great gift Hashem has given us.  It’s not an allegory.  When we take time on this day to do this kind of teshuva, we can see Yom Kippur as Chassidus teaches it is – a day of extreme joy – because we have found ourselves and our purpose, and are starting out with a clean slate.  

This is something that every single person can relate to, no matter how religious he or she may feel.  May we all experience a truly meaningful Teshuva period and Yom Kippur.