Step by Step Teshuva

This is a week of transition.  In the Torah portion we read about the transition from Moshe’s leadership to that of Yehoshua (Joshua).  On the calendar, we are in the days known as the “Ten Days of Teshuvah.”  As we move into the new year, we each go through a personal transition.  The year began with Rosh Hashana, when we reaffirm our bond with Hashem and our acceptance of His sovereignty.  Now we begin a process of introspection. 

An anniversary is a wonderful time to celebrate a relationship.  We remind ourselves about all the wonderful things we see in each other, we reminisce about the good memories of the past and we commit to continue building the strength of the marriage in the future.  Typically, the anniversary celebration is not a good time to bring up grievances or problems in the relationship.  But if the commitment is real, we will want to stop and think about the things that have gotten in the way in the past to ensure that we change them.  It is always easy to blame our spouse for what is going wrong in the marriage, but that is not very helpful if we really want to improve the relationship.  If we really care and want to make a lasting difference, we need to make an honest self-assessment and look deep into ourselves.  There is an adage that there is nothing I can do to make anyone else change.  For that matter, there is nothing I can do to make anyone do anything.  If I apply pressure, another person may choose to succumb to my pressure and do what I want, but that is a choice they are making under duress, and will not bring about any lasting change.  What I do have control of is my actions, and my reactions to someone else’s.  If I can recognize this truth, then I realize that the only way I can change a situation is to honestly assess what I need to do about it.  This will in turn lead me to admit, first to myself, where I have messed up, and to resolve to improve.  If I do this honestly and openly, not blaming myself or allowing myself to be overcome with guilt but moving forward to positive change, I can then also accept responsibility and honestly and sincerely apologize.  The result is greater harmony and a much stronger bond.

 This is the process of teshuvah.  Now that we have re-committed to our relationship with Hashem, we spend the next week examining where this relationship needs to be repaired.  We all have a Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) that drives us in the wrong direction, and it was also created by Hashem.  But rather than blaming this or that, we honestly examine the things we have done that need improvement.  Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, teshuvah should not riddle us with guilt, which is debilitating and just puts us into a state of despair.  Real teshuvah is energizing.  We examine our shortcomings from a perspective of repair and optimism that we will be able to move up and improve.  Yes, we are human, so we know that we are not perfect.  An open and honest self-assessment can help us make the changes we need to make, and then the assessment itself becomes a tool for growth.

 

Then comes Yom Kippur, when we make our sincere apology after a week of real change, and as promised in the Torah, Hashem forgives us and we start with a clean slate.  The work of this week includes introspection, as I said, and real steps toward growth and greater connection to Hashem.  These include more contemplation and prayer, additional time spent in actual study of Torah, and improvement in the area of practical Mitzvot.  These include Mitzvot between a person and Hashem, like ensuring that everything we eat is kosher, putting on Tefillin, making sure we have kosher mezuzot on our doors, lighting Shabbat candles at the right time, etc, and Mitzvot between one person and another.  These include Tzedakah, which we give in abundance at this time of year, love of our fellow, and notching up the honesty of our business practices, for example.  This is also the time to mend fences, to apologize sincerely to those we have wronged, and to try to do all we can to repair broken friendships.

 

When we do at least some of the above, we will be able to enter the joyous festival of Sukkot with excitement and celebration, with the knowledge that we have moved to a higher personal level in our relationship with Hashem and each other.  I wish you a “Gmar Chatimah Tovah” – may we all use these days well and take the opportunity to experience real change.  And may our positive resolutions and actions tip the scales to the side of merit and bring redemption to the world.